I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
