no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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