somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize