he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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