Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
