It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
