I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
