I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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