She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
