Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
