Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
