Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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