i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
