no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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