Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
