Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had sex on a roof
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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