Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
