I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
