I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize