I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
