i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
