WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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