Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
