What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
