Me too!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
