you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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