I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
