i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
