do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
