Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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