Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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