New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
