never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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