he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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