bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
