You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize