____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
