Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize