Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
