I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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