My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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