just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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