the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
