I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
