I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
