C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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