mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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