You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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