At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
