in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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