WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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