...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
