Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
