I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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