the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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