when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm going to jail i love you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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