So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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