Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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