There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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