i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
