At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
