Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
