The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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