I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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