I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
