She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
