I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
