wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
