If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
