my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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