They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
