My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
