Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
