thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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