guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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