dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
