3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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