I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
