oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
