you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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