before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
