Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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