I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
