I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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