i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
