Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
