I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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