she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Houston, we have a blender
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
